What does it mean to “be”? Sitting in the bliss of a moment, maybe. Hearing the noises outside and inside your head but letting them zoom by like a passing car… voooOOOomm!! — typically the sound… To “be” is like lying on the grass of your consciousness and letting the thought clouds move as they move knowing they are separate from and part of you.
I laid on almost-dead grass of awareness and watched dark heavy clouds swirl in my mind’s sky. The were there but so was the world beyond them. A memory of when I felt this much bliss popped into my head along with the best smile I’ve ever seen.
Hawa was a quiet and lovable person. Her personality was magnetic, and she had the biggest sense of humor, everyone had a crush on her, and she laughed like morse code with firetruck alarms… It was still the best laugh you ever heard because you couldn’t help but laugh with her.
Adolescence came with more intense emotions than I was used to, but the world never had space for that so the only outlets I had were handiwork. Of course, the rage could only be released in spurts when doing art or craft science. I was a vessel cracking from the inability to hold myself within; seldom burning and silently shrieking on the inside. Most days I was fine, some I could put on a friendly face, and the few I was completely defeated by darkness.
